the bad day

I don't know whether today is considered as a bad day for me or not. Remember my previous post, talking about how bad is GSC? I actually made a mistake myself, where I did not activate the secure code for my card (I get to know this after I called the call center). So, I activate it, but still I could not book the movie ticket. I called them again. Skip the long story, after I called them for like 3 times, they started to ignore my call. Well, at the end I manage to get them to send a new password for me to activate it again, but not today of course.

I actually hoping that miracle will happen today. But one call turns everything to be so-not-miracle at all. Spoilt my mood, spoilt my feeling, spoilt everything. I always thought I am the onw who should be on top, compared to others, but obviously I am not. Guess I should just bear with it, or just let go.

I feel bad, for thinking about letting go, for such small things. But, think deeply, if small things can cause uncertains and dissatisfaction, what will happen if it is a big thing? I could not imagine what will happen, what will I feel, what will others feel, what will be the consequences.

I actually have gone through worst, maybe not that worst. I had started to think whether I am having depression or what. Maybe a minor one. I actually wished I have. At least I know that I am abnormal by making my bed become a sea-taste bed. I actually cried every night, without knowing the reason knowing why. Tears are flowing, but the mind is blank. But what I am sure is everything when he appears, I can't even control myself. Maybe I am already in the verge of exploding, or dropping into depression.

Now I can even play my handphone games while I am crying. I had reach the point where I can cry and do things at the same time. Went to have pizza with housemates and James today. I had been yawning ever since in the class in the evening. But, now, almost 2 am, I am still typing this blog. I wanted to sleep so much. I am so sleepy. Still, I don't want to sleep. Because, I know, I wont't drift to sleep easily. Everything will come into my mind, and I will start the depression thingy again.

I just hope that I would not have to face so many things in my life, because both my mind and my heart can't take it anymore.