Monday, June 30, 2008

a letter of apology

Something had been bothering my mind since so long time ago. And what makes me so frustrated is this thing is nothing to do with me! Well, I am talking about my relationship with M. It's tarnished for unknown reasons, and definitely is nothing associated with me. I had kept this myself all this while, thinking maybe I would not lose anything if we continued to be like this. But another part of me wish that we are friends again like previously but at the end I did not do anything to save the friendship. And i regretted for doing so.

I am a kind of person which likes to make things clear, and do not like any hidden meaning in anything. If I am not sure about one thing, I will try every way, shamelessly to get that one particular answer. I regret I did not keep this attitude to our friendship. Maybe I had taken things for granted. I wish that I could turn back time and this will not happen to me.

Finally, I had taken the first step and wrote a letter to her, apologize for everything (I don't even know what am I apologizing for). I just want to clear the grudges between us. I was hoping for a reply from her, but ever since I sent the letter to her, I did not get any reply. Everytime when I got a chance to online, the first thing I do is to check my inbox whether she replied or not. She did not, and I am disappointed day by day.

But surprisingly, I got her reply today. I finally make things clear like water between us. She said we can be normal friends again (I don't know whether the word normal had any hidden meaning or what) but at least it is better than nothing. I did not feel happy, because I sensed that she is still keeping away from me. I did not feel sad either, because I know from now on I do not have to avoid her anymore. I do not know when it comes to real life scene what will happen between us, but I am hoping for the best for us.

I do not know why I am better in expressing my feelings in letters rather than words. At one point of time, I felt childish writing the letter to her, but I changed my mind about the childish thingy, because that is my last resort..