It's New Year!

It's new year!! And I don't have time to post anything even a Christmas post. I am so so lazy :P Anyway I did not celebrate New Year also-lah. Thanks to HY Tan la. Ruin my new year mood. Bleah. OK-lah. I will try to finish editing all the pictures on Christmas celebration.

Bye! Give me time OK?

p/s: I promise I swear I will I should and I can start Project 52 soon! Wait for it!! La~la~la~

xoxo,
esineDenise <3

Things He did which warms my ♥

I was thinking back to the things which he had done that warmth my heart, so I decided to post up things which he did that really touches me :)

♥ everytime you learn how to sing a song, and then sang it in front of me and asks me is it nice.

♥ all the lame jokes that you had tell which makes me laugh everytime I listen to it.

♥ everytime when you are so thoughtful, asking me to sit aside while you queue and constantly checking whether am I tired

♥ everytime when you plan our future, like which dog to have, how many dogs we should keep in our home, where should we stay, etc etc

♥ the times when you took the effort to come and find me, even though you are busy.
♥ the moment you kiss my forehead and wishes me good night before I sleep.

♥ during the time when you hug me from behind and tells me “I Love You, Dear”.

♥ when everytime I tell you that I am sad, you will always send me funny texts which will make me laugh just by reading it.

♥ every time you hold my hand, wherever you go, even when I am angry, you never failed to do so.

♥ finally, keeping up with my temper, whenever I lose it.

I know some of it seems like small gestures, but all these makes me feels warm everytime he does so..

p/s: Oh, I think I am gonna start Project 52 soon so that I can keep my blog updated. Project 52 is about posting interesting happenings once a week, together with a picture, until the week 52 (literally, it means I will be constantly posting every week, aside from my blog, for one whole year) I hope I can make it..Haha..

xoxo,
esineDenise ♥

I thought that..

I am just human. When I am happy, I laugh. When I am sad, I cry. At the same time I also can pretend that I have nothing in my mind even though I have tons and tons of things to think about. I can tell the whole world that I am not sad, even though I am crying in my heart. Yes, this is what I am doing now. And yes, I am doing this to you now.

When we are in best term, I always feel that I am the most blissful person in this world. The amount of caring and love I get is enough to make me feel that you are willing to do everything and do really care about me. But when we argue, or should I say when I am angry (as you do not like to argue with me), all the bad things, anything and everything will start floating in my mind. I always think that this is normal, as when a person is in a bad mood, he or she will start thinking about negative things. Yes, I think like this all the time.

But now, I am not able to think like that anymore. I don’t know how to put in sentence about what I am thinking right now. I felt that whenever I wanted to do something together with you, you will give me reasons and excuses which I could not deny at all and you get your way. Yes, this means we won’t be doing things which I wanted us to do. But why? Why when there are others who asked you to do the same thing which I had previously asked you to and you rejected, and now you agreed to do it with them? Who am I to be compared with them?

I know it’s unfair for me to judge you so as you sometimes did tried your best to satisfy me. You tried your best to satisfy me, but I think you tried a hundred times better to satisfy the others. Again, I lose to them. Take travelling as an example. All this while, all the 3 and the half years I spent together with you, I really want to find a travelling memory which is just belongs to you and me. I can’t. I can’t find any. I did rake my brain to think. I just can’t find any. All this while, we are stuck in my place, or your place, and the furthest, the top of the mountain. Once, we planned to visit the famous hill (yes we failed again), but the excuses and reasons you gave really makes me want to forget all about the hill (so that I won’t be that sad). Once when you are so excited to ask me to book the budget airline ticket and after when I confirmed with you again, the reasons and excuses you gave to cancel it, makes me speechless again. Once when I showed you the latest water park opened nearby, you did try to convince me that you wanted to bring me there. But as usual, the plan goes behind your head again. Once when I told you I wanted to go to the nearby neighboring country for a visit, you told me to go with my friends. Once..it will always be once..once upon a time.

And now, now you told me you are going to the neighboring country with your friends. You are going to climb the mountain with your friends. You are going to the water park I mentioned to you with your family. You are doing all these things, and all these things do not involve me at all! Why is that when I told you that I wanted to do all this with you, you can give me such effective and clever reasons to reject it, and when it’s your friends you can easily with just in a second you can agree to do it with them without even thinking. I feel that I am such a loser. I can’t be even compared with your so-call friends. I really want to find a reason for myself not to be sad. I really want to find a reason for myself to stop the tears from rolling down. I really want to find a reason for myself to forgive you. I am trying so so hard to understand you, and yet you disappoint me again and again.

I wanted you to come back to see me. You tell me your parents wanted to visit you. I got angry and you thought that I need you to bring me to watch the fireworks. I got angry again and you thought I want to celebrate some occasion with you. I give up. I really give up. Do you know why when every time you asked me what I want, I will get angry and stop talking to you? That is because I don’t want to be a sad case in front of you. I know I am definitely going to cry if we talked about it. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want you to know that I always cry just because of you. It’s not that I am afraid that you will feel guilty; I just wanna save my face. Well, you want to know, but I don’t want to tell. That’s is why all these are happening now.

I am so sorry. I really thought that you care. I really tried to find all the evidence to show me that you care as I really hope that you really do care for me. I am still trying. Or maybe this is just the negative thoughts that are lingering in my mind because I am angry at you. I hope these thoughts won’t last, as I am still putting hopes on you, hoping you to understand what I feel and what I want.

I don’t know whether I want you to read this. Maybe after you read this you can sort of know what I am thinking. Even if you don’t get to read this, it’s okay because I know everything will be back to normal again tomorrow and if I am not angry anymore, all these thoughts will disappear. And my travelling plans together with you will disappear, again, like usual. Yes, I am not going to show you that I am sad about that.

Eling's Bash

Okay I am so damn bored so I might as well blog about the part I attend..err..on 15th November. Yeah approximately a month ago. Eling's Bash is a line dance party organized by the teacher herself, Eling. She had been teaching line dance in many different places other than my hometown aka Temerloh. So, this party is held to gather all her students to have fun together and at the same time donating money for the charity. A small amount of each ticket being sold will be contributed to orphanage. Each ticket cost 60 bucks. Not cheap, mind you. My mom was one of the commitee members (nope, I did not get the ticket cheaper. Even she needed to pay for the ticket) so I followed. Well another reason is because BFF was going too. Her god-mother (also the commitee) bought her a ticket as well.

The Hall

Our Sticker

Boon Boon aka aYee

Spot this cute guy dancing ;)

Me :D

She

Cam-whoring outside the toilet ;)

She - outside the toilet. Hahaha~

Boon with her god-mother (Yeah, outside the toilet)

Us :D :D :D

On the stage

On the stage



All me :) :)

Well, well. I must say we get a lil' boring during the party, as we don't know how to dance their dance at all. But, there are other things which occupied our loneliness. FOODS! We had a 8 dish meal, like the usual banquet, and then additional Fried Kueh Teow, all sorts of Kuih, Nasi Lemak, and even the Indo Coffee van is there! So we can get as many ice coffee we want!! Woohoo!! Oh ya, it's quite a long party. It started at 3pm and ended approximately 11 pm. I went back earlier, as Boon came and fetch me (she went back early because she need to send her mom back) for second round of yumcha session. Love my life <3 <3 It's just too good when you have BFF around you! :)

Okay, that's all for now. Wait for my next post! Will continue about what I bought in Malacca! Adios!!

xoxo,
esineDenise <3

Short Peek

A short peek of what I had been doing while I am in Malacca this few days. Right after I reached Malacca bus station, BF together with his friends fetched me and we drove to Dataran Pahlawan. Initially they wanted to watch 2012, but I told BF that I am not interested in the movie, hence we chose to watch A Christmas Carol instead.


His friends ended up watching the movie with us because 2012 is fully booked. Got that nice huh that movie. I am not interested in watching it also. What so nice watching how the world end? You know the storyline gonna be the end of the world, bla bla bla, but you still want to watch it? Well, some says wanna watch the sound effect-lah, background-lah, computer effect-lah, haiya, whatever-lah. Me not interested at all.

Went to Popular and bought this book. Got attracted by the cover again. This time plus the thickness of the book. Hahahaa, like this only worth it la :P Oh ya, I am a member of Popular now. RM 12 for a year. Members got discounts on books and cds also !!!

See the yellow colour boy bookmark? It's the free gift given by Popular because I apply to become a member.

My dinner for today. BF tapao it for me because I lazy to go out and eat. One thing I really don't understand is why foods in Malacca are always in a very big portion =.= See the mountain high of the rice? I can't even finish half of it. And Malacca hawkers like to mix and match their foods. I found few pieces of fried fish fillet in the fried rice. A combination of which I clearly do not understand =.= Maybe that's their culture.

Anyways, there goes the short peek (not that short) of days I spent in Malacca. Next post will be the full one! Will blog about the things I bought!!

p/s: Me going shopping again tomorrow!!! Hurray!!! Hurray!!! Got addicted of buying things. Girls just like to shop, don't they? :D :D :D :D :D See ya!!

p/p/s: Haven't finish editing pictures for Eling's Bash. Will upload it to Facebook and blog soon right after I get hold of my laptop back in my hometown. Stay tune!

xoxo,
esineDenise <3