I Will Never Forget...

... the day when you walked out from me. (literally)

You gave us space to think, but you actually given me more space to cry.



I will never forget today. 

The Wrong Way

Everything goes the wrong way. EVERYTHING!


I am lost and I don't know what to do. I might fall into depression. Who knows.


One day, I will just disappear and leave everything behind me. One day. Thank you (all) very much for making me like this. I will APPRECIATE it.


Till then, you don't know where I will be.





Life is like a box of chocolates. You won't know what you get until you opened it.

My life? 

Disappointment

I know everyone has their own taste of disappointment. I felt so disappointed, yesterday. I couldn't cope with it and I cried it out badly. I cried and cried for more than 3 hours, in the bathroom, in my room, on the bed, till I slept off. The thought of going to die is so strong till I can't believe it. This is my first time ever feeling so depressed. I thought I had fall into depression.

When I was struggling thinking between surviving and dying in the midst of my tears, my mom came into my room. I was lucky, because I off the lights and pretend that I am sleeping. She came in and ask me what happen (she thought I was sick), I told her I have massive headache and I need to sleep early. She asked me to eat the medicine before going to sleep. I just simply said yes, and yes I don't really have headache and so I don't need to eat any medicine. But my crying gets louder, because I realized that there's someone out there who really concern about me. She seldom does that, maybe she really felt that there is something wrong with me because I went to bed so early without switching off my laptop which is still in the living room.

I continue to hide under my covers, because the tears, and mucus just couldn't stop. This time my mother came into the room again and pulled the cover. Luckily it was dark and she couldn't see my puffy eyes and did not recognized my sore voice. She gave me Paracetamol and walked out. I felt guilty, so I really went to the kitchen and took one Paracetamol, since I really have minor headache due to constant crying for the past few hours. 

I went back to hide under my cover, switch on my phone and found out nothing incoming. So, that's it. The disappointment accompany my sleep, till the next morning. 

p/s: What makes me feel disappointed? Many, many, many things which I couldn't find anyone to share with.

p/p/s: I woke up with a very very serious puffy eyes this morning, and lucky my mother did not asked anything about it.

Random

I still can't figure out what happened to my blog's layout. Tried adjusting it for many times it still looks like that. I think I'm just gonna leave it as it is. I think the only way to fix it is to register another new blog name, and start all over again. I just don't have the mood and energy to do so.

As from the above title, this is a very random post. Rather than surfing aimlessly on the internet, I better blog something up to keep track with what I had been doing lately (no, I am not too free. I have lots of work to do, just that I am still procrastinating in doing it).

Last weekend, we went over to BBQ Plaza to celebrate Boon's farewell (she will be going to Singapore to work soon). The attendees were me, FaiFai, James and of course, Boon. We had not seen each other for a long time after we left the college. Even if we met, we met separately. The whole lunch session was fun, as usual we ordered a lot of pork sets and this time we tried beef set.

Boon with the foods

Unfortunately, the next day I had fever. I don't know it's because of the food I eaten or I am just unhealthy. I skipped morning's class and attended only the afternoon class (because I need to clarify some assignment queries with the lecturer). My fever was on and off and I thought I got dengue fever. Anyway I still packed and came back to Temerloh on Monday, just in case if I fainted there's still people who can send me to hospital.

Throughout the week, I got fever, diarrhea, vomit, headache, dizziness. I thought I am going to die. I go through everyday thinking what kind of disease I had infected. The worst is that I had an assignment to submit on that weekend as well. I'm so demotivated to do anything at all so I just simply completed the assignment without thinking much. Towards the weekend, my condition did not get any better. On one of the days I got red rashes all over my body (include my face). That's when I think die la this time confirm is dengue fever. But, weirdly I don't have fever. The rashes are not itchy as well. Those red patches stayed on my body for a few days and it gotten serious at night, especially when I sleep. It only feels itchy when I sleep. I could not get enough good sleep throughout the weekend. 

At last, another weekend had passed. On the Monday (a different Monday) mom fetched me to see the doctor right after I got down from bus because I still have lots of 'wind' in my stomach and I still feel dizzy and headache. The doctor measured my blood pressure, and it shocked him that I had low blood pressure. No wonder I felt dizzy all along, because my blood pressure is low. He said I lacked of water (did not drink enough water, hence I am quite dehydrated) and my condition will turn better if I drink more water, eat more fruits and vegetables and rest properly.

Hence, now I am drinking my water (more than usual). I eat whatever fruits I can find from the kitchen (not really. Green apples, oranges, bananas turn me OFF). I exercise at least 20 minutes daily (I jogged using the jogging machine) to get myself sweat. I make up every morning (I used to NOT make up) because I feel when you are beautiful, you will feel more energetic. I wear contact lenses every morning (so that I can put on my make up :P). I vowed to live healthily from now on (because I am sick of being SICK). 

I am still procrastinating in doing my work. I guess I should change this habit. So I better end this post now and focus on my journal review. This coming weekend is Grandma's birthday. And I am gonna skip class again. The bad side of having weekend class. I need to skip my class whenever there are functions in the weekends. 

Okay got to go now. I have prediction that the next post going to be an emo post. Not only Paul can predict okay? 

xoxo,

esineDenise   <3